Egotist: a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

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  Pocket: the cradle of motive and the grave of conscience.

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  Patience: a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

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  Diplomacy: the patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

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  Year: a period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

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  Telephone: an invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

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  Peace: in international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

All aphorisms