Aphorisms

It is sweet to play the fool on occasion.

Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.

A successful man is simply one who doesn’t make a fool of himself in the same way more than two or three times running.

Every failure teaches a man something. For example, that he will probably fail again next time.

If all public questions were settled by shooting dice, fifty percent of them would be settled correctly. This would be five times as good a score as we make now.

Civilization is a concerted effort to remedy the blunders and check the practical joking of God.

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.

It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.

Conscience: the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.

The surest way to get a reputation as a liar is to pretend to be very good. The next surest way is to pretend to be very wicked.

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.

He has written eight volumes. He would surely have done better to plant eight trees or beget eight children.